How do you relate to your child? It’s a very important question in our parent’s life. Far from being associated with dependency, as popular culture would have us believe, attachment reflects a crucial relationship in our own development and progress. We wouldn’t be able to survive if we didn’t have attachments. Attachment is a type of particular bond that exists between children and their primary caregivers, such as their parents. A varied type of attachment will arise according to how the latter connect and respond to the children’s needs.
We might discuss a variety of factors that contribute to a safe or insecure connection, but we’ll focus on just two: protection and autonomy. These two factors are similar to the gas and brake pedals in an automobile in that they are equally significant. It’s the same with attachment, where protecting minors when they need it is just as vital as encouraging self-reliance and empowering them to do things on their own. But be wary of pushing these two variables to their limits.
Excess or absence of both protection and autonomy may suggest an insecure attachment, which, of course, causes a great deal of suffering. Secure attachment, according to Mary Ainsworth, an American-Canadian psychologist who co-developed attachment theory in the 1960s and 1970s, is a flexible balance between protection and autonomy.
To help you recognize how do you relate to your child, here are some keys to the four forms of attachment:
Secure attachment
When this question arises, How do you relate to your child? parents and teachers are capable of meeting the child’s demands for protection and autonomy. They are always aware of what their children and students require. Following the analogy of the automobile pedals, students understand that they must break on curves and accelerate on straights.
They understand how to connect with a child’s wants and provide a compassionate and balanced response to the child’s expressed needs. If a youngster falls down, for example, the parents will see that the child is terrified and will allow them to weep.
The parents will confirm the child’s fear and provide protection for as long as it is required. Secure connection mothers and fathers reject power and punishment-based relationships and instead identify with a democratic parenting style. They account for 50 to 60 percent of the world’s population.
How do You Relate to Your Child Video Guide
Avoidant-insecure attachment
In this type of connection, parents do not effectively respond to their children’s emotional needs. When their children exhibit fear, rage, or sadness, their parents often disregard or downplay these feelings. They believe that expressing emotion is a sign of weakness. They are unconcerned about their emotional lives and place an excessive amount of emphasis on academic accomplishment and correct behavior.
That’s why I usually refer to them as parents with a left-brain hemisphere (cold and calculating). They say things like “that’s nothing,” “it’s not so horrible,” and “don’t exaggerate” when the child exhibits fear or despair. They do not give the minor’s emotional feelings any weight. As a result, individuals frequently exhibit their psychological stress as bodily symptoms, a condition known as somatization.
They have a strong aversion to closeness and “separate” from the emotional world. Around 20% of the population suffers from avoidant attachment, which is far more common in men than it is in women.
Anxious-ambivalent insecure attachment
This is essentially the polar opposite of avoidant insecure attachment. If the anxious-ambivalent insecure attachment is defined by difficulty forming trusting relationships with others, anxious-ambivalent insecure attachment is characterized by an overwhelming dread of separation and abandonment.
The name anxious-ambivalent attachment comes from the fact that parents’ responses are changeable and shifting, causing a lot of anxiety in the children. They are parents that place an undue emphasis on safety and neglect autonomy and progress. This sort of connection is consistent with the overprotective educational style, which affects 15% of the population and is more prevalent in women than in men.
These individuals have a difficult time controlling their emotions and connecting with their true needs. It’s difficult to expect them to connect with and address the needs of their own children or students if they can’t do that.
Disorganized insecure attachment
This is the most disorganized sort of attachment. This group of people does not provide the protection or autonomy that their children require. They are parents that have a hard time connecting with their own needs and are prone to suffer from depression, personality disorders, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and other mental illnesses.
They most likely had a difficult upbringing where they lacked affection and safety. Because the caretakers make the youngsters feel terrified and vulnerable, this attachment is called this. They make up from 5% to 10% of the population.
All parents and teachers have experienced all four types of attachment with their children and students at some point in their lives. However, in order to determine which group is the most prevalent, we must be mindful of how we regularly respond to our children’s emotional needs. If we are able to connect with our children’s worries, rage, or jealousy and respond appropriately most of the time, we are most likely a security figure for them.
If, on the other hand, we tend to respond in a reasoned manner without considering our feelings, we are most likely the avoidant type. We are likely anxious-ambivalent if we overprotect our children and are guided by fear. I hope that these principles will assist you in becoming more mindful of your interactions with your children.
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